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Posts Tagged ‘trust God’

I have a confession to make.

I have a hard time trusting in anyone..but more specifically God.

Hubby and I have been trying to have a baby now for eight years (if not a little bit longer) and I have to admit my trust is not there.

Not that I don’t trust hubby cause I do…I just don’t seem to trust God.

(Gasp!  A Pastor’s wife not trusting in God???? Stand back before the lightning strikes!)

We pray that we will be able to have a baby and we talk about trust but the other week my trust was put to the test.

We were praying about having a baby and it was my turn to pray.

I told hubby that he could do it and that I would pray next time.

He wasn’t going to let me off the hook that easily.

I told him I didn’t want to pray and that was it.  If he wasn’t going to pray then I guess nobody was going to pray.

(Yes…I was acting really mature here.)

I stormed out of the room and came into the living room.  Hubby followed behind and asked me what was the matter.

Here was my response.

“I don’t see the purpose in praying to God about having a baby because it’s not going to happen.  I know it isn’t…it hasn’t happened before and it’s not going to happen now.  It’s useless to pray about it…it’s just not meant to be.”

OK. STOP. Let’s rewind here.

What was wrong with me?

Looking back I clearly see that the above statement is FALSE.

I mean…all I have to do is look at the little boy sleeping in his bed to know that isn’t true.

How foolish and utterly stupid am I not to notice this blessing in front of me during this time of questioning and putting my trust to the test???

Now, don’t get me wrong..I understand what I was meaning by that.

It’s hard to keep praying and not get any answers.  God has answered our prayers and we know that but sometimes it’s hard to see that through the fog.

I have always been a person to see something, want it, go after it and get it.

This time that hasn’t been so easy for me.

So for a while I gave up praying about having another baby.  Which was wrong of me.  I know that there are other people out there praying for us in this regard…that our family will grow again and I need to keep the faith.

I need to put my trust in God and remember why it’s there.  I need to remember the blessing that he gave me with Little E and realize that he is a product of trusting in Him in the first place!

So I guess all I’m saying is that even though this isn’t an easy journey for myself I’m trusting in God with this one day at a time and learning to walk with Him.

God has a plan for us…we just need to follow it!

Laura

Blessing: I have a child whom I love very much…biggest blessing of all!

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