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Dry Knees

Before we adopted little E I had fairly normal looking knees.

I know this is a rare statement to start out a blog with…but please just read on. ¬†ūüôā

I had knees that I didn’t mind showing off to others in public. ¬†I had knees that looked “normal”. ¬†I had knees that were fairly smooth for the most part.

But then we adopted little E. ¬†At first the knees didn’t change…they stayed pretty “smooth” looking (I put smooth in quotations because, really, can knees be smooth?).

Then something happened!¬†Little E started sitting up and playing with toys…and this mommy crawled around on the floor grabbing the toys he would throw.¬†Little E started crawling…and so therefore this mommy started crawling around on the floor with him. ¬† ¬†Little E started walking and this mommy would crawl around on the floor on her knees trying to get him to walk to her.

Then my knees started to look like this:

Yes, I spent five minutes trying to get pictures of my knees.

Dry…brittle scratchy knees.

It’s hard to tell but the one on your left (my right) is very dry and cracked and hurts sometimes.

Yucky knees!

I used to make fun of my friend because of her dry knees and how they cracked every time she got up.

Now mine are dry and they crack as well.

OY.

But,  you know what?

I wouldn’t trade those knees back if it meant that I would never have a child to play with, to laugh with and to chase around the room on my knees. ¬†Having these knees are my mark as a parent. ¬†They mean that I played with my child and had fun!

Four years ago I may have had “perfect” looking knees….but almost three years ago I gave those up for my biggest blessing of all: ¬†Little E.

Nope, wouldn’t change them for the world!

Laura

How about you? ¬†What’s your “mark” that shows you are a parent who plays with your child? Do you have one?

PS. ¬†If you have perfect, smooth looking knees…I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT! ¬†ūüôā

Blessing:  I now have a favourite pair of jeans with holes in the knees!

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Just a second!

Mommy guilt.

I hate it!

Hate hate hate hate hate it.

And yet, ¬†it’s constantly in my life.

I’m not playing enough with little E.

I’m not as understanding as I should be with him.

Not as sympathetic as I should be.

I’m not a cuddler most days…so some days I feel like I’m not as loving as I should be.

Most days I feel like I fail as a mom.

I have a feeling I’m not the only mother that feels this way…at least I hope not.

Every once in a while mommy guilt steps in and steps on my toes real hard.

So hard that I really need to listen and take a good long look at myself.

Lately I have found myself saying to little E this phrase:

“Just a second!”

Then I find that “one second” turns into half an hour.

A common scenario:

Little E: ¬†“mommy come build a fort with me please”

Me: ¬†“just a second let mommy finish doing this first”

Little E about ten minutes later: “mommy come build a fort”

Me: “just a second I’m almost done”

After about half an hour little E just gives up and tries to build it himself.  It falls down, he gets mad and upset and then I yell at him for hitting somebody.

WHY!!!?????????????

Why do I need one more second to play a game, to do housework, to finish reading a line in a book?

I don’t. ¬†Frankly all those things can wait. ¬†They can wait till he goes to bed…or is having his snack and watching some tv…or out with his dad for a guy’s “date”.

I know this…I understand this. ¬†But, I still do it. ¬†I still say that common phrase.

I must have said it at least twenty times today.

I don’t want to be one of those parents who is too “busy” to spend time with their child. ¬†He’s a gift given to me, entrusted by other people and I want to cherish that gift.

Don’t get me wrong. ¬†A lot of time I am playing with little E…but it’s not always when he wants me to….and it’s not always for a good length of time.

I know it’s good for children to play by themselves..and he does for the most part. ¬†I’m not talking about those days that I spend a good four hours playing with him and feel bad because I took fifteen minutes for myself.

I know I need to balance myself..understand that is better for everybody.

I’m talking about those days where I may only sit and play with my child for an hour all day…and not because I’m truly busy…just because I’m “busy” with stuff that doesn’t matter.

Life goes by way to fast…my child grows up way to fast. ¬†Two more years and he will be in school…and then I’ll wish I was spending the time playing with him.

So how do I fix this? ¬†How do I get this true and real mommy guilt of “just a second” out of my life?

I’m determined to say this phrase less…and spend more time with my child.

I know I may fail some days but I want to work on it.

Housework (for the most part) can wait, facebook can wait, twitter can wait, texting can wait.

Laughing, playing and spending quality time with my child can’t.

I’m determined to be better in this. ¬†I’m determined to be the best I can be for my child in all areas of life.

I’m starting with this now. ¬†It’s a journey.

The second part of the journey will start when I have felt like I have given this one everything that is within me.

Blessing:  I have a child to play with.

What about you? ¬†What is your biggest “mommy guilt”…or even “daddy guilt”? ¬†How are you going to fix it? ¬†Wanna hold each other accountable? ¬†Send me your comments.

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