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Archive for May, 2013

Lonely

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Big E and I had a day yesterday where it was just the two of us. No kids….no errands….just fun. We hung out at the local walking park…took the dogs for a walk and looked for perriwinkles on the beach.

After lunch Big E wanted to ride his bike. So I hung around just to make sure he wouldn’t fall off. While riding his bike he kept telling me that he was going to ride his bike until the girl next door came home and then he was going to play with her.

Just to clarify…I don’t mind him playing with her….it’s just that she isn’t always nice to him…and when the other girl from up the road comes they are trouble with a capital T.

So I was secretly hoping that she wouldn’t come home while we were out riding his bike. About ten minutes later she popped her head outside and said hi to Big E. He was so excited and asked her if she could come play with him.

There comes a time in a mother/kid relationship where you have to let him go (remember I talked about independence the other day?) and play with some people you may not want him to play with. I wouldn’t do this all the Time but I know he desperately wanted another kid to play with and not his mom.

So I didn’t say anything.

She came back out after she asked her mom and said she couldn’t because she had to play with her brother.

Big E didn’t really understand even though I kept explaining things to him. He sat out front and waited for her. Then after a while I got him to go play in the backyard while I cleaned up a bit inside.

About twenty minutes later I looked out the window to check on him to make sure he was ok.

I looked out and saw Big E and daddy sitting on the side of the hill hugging. I went out to ask what was going on and Big E looked up to me with tear stained cheeks. My hubby said to me….”he’s lonely…he wants a friend to play with.”

Break. My. Heart.

So we called up his friends and luckily they were available to come over and play for a while.

Hubby and I crawled into bed last night and hubby said….”I felt so bad for him sitting there on the grass. You could tell he was so lonely. So sad….just wanted a friend.”

Tears filled my eyes.

I felt guilty.

Guilty for not playing with him….but more guilty for not having another kid for him to play with.
I’m not talking about a friend over…..but a sibling. Hubby and I have struggled for 9 years or more to have children of our own. It’s not happening…so we are pursuing adoption. But that’s going to take at least two years or more.

I felt guilty for not being able to have children. I know that may sound silly but my heart was breaking for my little man. I wish there was somebody else for him to play with every day. Yes, I know there will be friends…but nothing is better than a sibling.

So…for now we pray and wait. Maybe God will bless us with another child…either through adoption or maybe through biologically. I don’t know……

But one thing I do know…cleaning can wait.

My child needs me more.

Laura.

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Independence

Little E had a birthday on May 18th and turned the big number 5.

So…..Little E has been renamed Big E. 🙂

I thinking turning five has made Big E more Independent.

The other day he went over and played at the next door neighbors house all by himself. Didn’t even look for me he just played and I sat and waited. I waited and I waited for the common cry, “mom” but it didn’t come and then I realized he doesn’t need me as much as he used to.

I’ve seen this in other ways too. Yesterday he went outside and played all by himself without asking me to come with him. He went to a birthday party on Friday and didn’t realize that I was there. Today he was lonely and asked for some friends to come over and play with him. He’s getting to the point that he doesn’t want me anymore but wants his friends and I’m okay with that. It’s good for him to be around other kids and want to play with them.

Tonight we went to the mall and he forgot his sweater at the food court. So when he realized that he forgot it He ran back to get it all by himself: looking back a few times just to make sure that I was there. On the way back he ran all the way back and didn’t even look to see if I was following him.

You may think that these are such simple things but from my son they are humongous. Two weeks ago he went for swimming lessons and cried the whole time in the pool even though we are right there watching him. This past Saturday he jumped right in without even saying goodbye to us.

So with turning five my little boy is beginning his independence and I’m slowly becoming okay with that. I will miss him Needing me all the time but at the same time I’m glad he is branching out and I’m glad that he is becoming a stronger person.

I knew this day would come but I still get cuddles at night and kisses and hugs and that makes everything alright.

Sigh…… Maybe I’m not as ready for this as I thought I was.

Laura

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There are new kittens and a mother cat at my house! We are fostering for seven weeks until the shelter takes over. We love them and they will be excellent pets for somebody!

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