A tiny word that is so powerful, is demanding, and is maybe even an attention seeker.
As a child I was told to respect others. I was not to interrupt somebody when they were speaking as it was impolite. I was to raise my hand in school when I needed something or knew an answer and I was to call my teachers by Mrs. or Mr. and then their last name. Same as my Pastor. He was either “pastor” or “Pastor Hayden”…even though his daughter and I were great friends.
However, I have grown up…and along the way have come some “bumps” in my road of life. My parents divorced in my last year of college, right before hubby and I got married and I watched some things crumble as a result. I lost respect along the way…a lot of it. I had the mindset that “I will do things for myself and not rely on anybody else to do things for me. I will fight for things my way. I will not let anybody get in the way of me doing the things that I want to do.” Now, mind you…I was a pretty strong willed kid growing up. Strong willed and stubborn…so I can’t blame all this on my parent’s divorce. However, maybe this is when I started to kick it up a notch.
Along the way in my eleven years of marriage I have not had the best respect for my hubby. Oh it’s definitely better than it used to be…but it’s still not where I want it to be..or even where it should be. I like to control what I can control and then get stressed out about what I can’t control.
**If you know me and are nodding your head at this…please just let me finish. This is hard for me to admit in a public setting even though you may already know it**
It’s a good book….teaching me not only to love God, but to love others and even myself! The last little bit has been about loving others and how we can’t control people. We also need to forgive others, encourage others, and basically respect others. Bam, Bam, Bam! Things that I needed to hear right in a row. So…I listened. I’m trying harder and I think it’s working a bit.
I’m trying to be less controling on Little E and in the process I believe our relationship is growing a little bit better. Oh we don’t have a bad relationship, don’t get me wrong. We love each other unconditionally…but I’m trying to show him that I respect him and that sometimes it’s ok to make mistakes. My child is high strung…he just wants my attention all the time. I am not like this. You could put me in a little room with a bed, a book, my computer for a day and I would be pretty content to be myself. I used to play board games by myself…and play it so it was competitive. (Yes…haha I know what you’re thinking). I enjoy that time by myself but God didn’t intend for us to be by ourselves all the time. That’s not the way He designed us. He designed us to have relationships…to interact with others. To respect others, to let others be who they are without controlling them. To respect others…and in turn be respected.
So I’m trying this. It used to be that I enjoyed Monday and Thursdays immensely because Little E went to preschool. Don’t get me wrong..I still enjoy those days….but I also enjoy Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Friday’s now. I am not constantly looking for when Monday or Thursday is coming and praying that Tuesday and Wednesday will go by quickly. Today I sat down with my boy, played with him, talked to him and treated him like a person instead of something I had to get through my day. I enjoyed the day today and at supper time I sat up and said “wow that day went by fast and I had a lot of fun!”. I respected him, and in turn he respected me. He didn’t need me all the time and he was the best behaved kid out of the bunch today!
I’m trying this with my husband as well. I’m trying not to be an introvert and be selfish and just have time to myself. Last night I sat beside him and watched tv…instead of in my chair while he sat on the couch. I’m trying to listen more…to respect more and be more sympathetic. I’m sure it will take time….but I’d rather it take time than have regrets later on in my life that I didn’t do it at all.
I know I have a long road ahead of me..but I know that with God’s help I can do this. It’s not going to be easy at times…so please be patient. I’m still a work in progress.